MLB: Let them take speed

We’re a week removed from the “Barry took amphetamies” hoopla, but don’t let that mislead you. Because it was Bonds who tested positive, you can expect an amphetamies-related article weekly in your local papers,, and

This week’s installment comes from Apparently, the owners don’t plan to up the penalties for amphetamine use. John Moores, majority owner of the Padres, even says that he needs more information on amphetamines before he renders a decision:

“If they’re doing it, I don’t know when they’re getting it or how they’re taking it,” he said. “And I don’t know if it affects their performance. I have absolutely no notion about that so I don’t know if it’s even a problem. I don’t have enough information to know if it’s dead-on right. I’d like to see some data.”

Allow me to be of service, Mr. Moores. I recreationally use the amphetamine Adderall. It’s fun and leaves me feeling like the smartest person on the planet. I can hold hours of conversations on topics for which I normally do not care. Most of all, I love playing sports.

Let me tell you, Adderall certainly enhances performance. It’s much easier to concentrate and block out external forces. It makes you think and react quicker. It may not allow you to throw 5 m.p.h. faster or hit the ball 20 feet further; it’s more of a mind stimulant.

I’ve always said that if I was a Major League pitcher, I’d find a doctor who would diagnose me with ADD (a la Derek Lowe), and smoke pot before and during a game. They may not make me throw 100 m.p.h., but I’d sure be painting those corners.


0 Responses to “MLB: Let them take speed”

  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

January 2007
    Feb »

%d bloggers like this: